


Don't forget the shopping list

by LadyMarshmallow



Series: Monsters Walk the Same Road [3]
Category: Blue Lock (Manga)
Genre: Bachira is a Danger to Everyone and Himself, Demon AU, Demonic Possession, Domestic, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Humor, Isagi is a Threat to Society, Kunigami is the Mom Friend, monster au, no beta i die by my own sword
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-07-04
Packaged: 2020-06-03 22:19:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19473349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyMarshmallow/pseuds/LadyMarshmallow
Summary: Kunigami took Isagi (Tyrant) and Bachira (Madman) shopping. It went as well as anyone would have expected.Or a day in the domestic lives of Kunigami, Isagi, and Bachira featuring Tyrant and Madman.





	Don't forget the shopping list

**Author's Note:**

> This is so random, oh my gosh. But the idea wouldn't leave me alone though, and I am super into this monster AU. Plus I still have no self-control, so yeah. 
> 
> Anyway, I tried my hand at writing using the third person omniscient again, and it was harder than I thought it would. Whelp.
> 
> Enjoy!

• ────── ✾ ────── •

Morning in the Isagi-Bachira-Kunigami household began with one simple sentence.

"We're out of eggs."

Bachira announced with a whine, diving on their king-sized bed like a cannonball, not caring if the people living below their apartment were still fast asleep. He probably woke them up, but he had a crisis on his hands, and he didn't have time to worry about faceless people without names.

"What?" Kunigami asked, groggy and startled all at once.

He was really sleepy since Isagi and Bachira made him watch the entire _Friday the_ _13th_ franchise with them the night before. In fact, he was sure he only had three hours of sleep, and he really didn't want to get up any time soon. Although that was proving to be difficult with Bachira trying to pull him out of bed.

"We're out of eggs," Bachira repeated, taking hold of one of Kunigami's arms in an attempt to get him to sit up. He woke up feeling really hungry, and Madman said he wanted to eat some omelette, which also made him want to eat omelettes, but they wouldn't be able to eat any omelette if there weren't any eggs left.

That caught Kunigami's attention, some haze of sleep clearing from his brain. Something about that statement seemed wrong in so many levels that he couldn't help but ask, "Why? I just bought a dozen the other day."

"Isagi used them up trying to make pancakes."

This time, Kunigami let Bachira pull him into a sitting position, blinking away whatever remaining sleep from his veins, and wondering if he heard that right.

"All of them?"

"All of them." Bachira nodded eagerly, a grin full of pride threatening to split his face in half. 

It was really amazing how Isagi could use twelve eggs in just one day. Granted he wasn't able to make a single decent pancake — there was a reason Kunigami was the one always cooking for them — but it was nonetheless a feat. Bachira and Madman were really impressed.

Kunigami pinched the bridge of his nose after hearing that response, allowing himself to let out a long sigh. In hindsight, he should have expected something like this to happen, but he was still amazed. Isagi could really do the impossible once he set his mind to it. That didn't mean Isagi was allowed to use all their eggs while trying to make pancakes though. Oh well, nothing Kunigami could do about it.

Guess he would have to go shopping earlier than he thought he would. He told Bachira so.

"Give me ten minutes to get ready, and I'll go buy some."

"Okay!" Bachira said satisfied, and he knew that Madman was satisfied with it, too. It didn't really take much to please his monster.

With his mission done, Bachira zoomed towards the living room, turning on the television per Madman's request.

* * *

* * *

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Isagi was trying to scrub off all the pancake batter stuck on the countertop with all his might. It wasn't easy because some of the batter had dried out, and it wasn't really helping that Isagi kept thinking about how the flour-covered floor and dirty stove were still waiting for him afterward. Seriously, Kunigami made everything look so easy.

Isagi was in the middle of scraping off a particularly annoying patch of pancake batter when Kunigami walked in the kitchen, fully dressed and looking ready to go.

"I'm heading to the supermarket," Kunigami said, words punctuated by a wide yawn. He felt like he could fall asleep while standing.

"Now?" 

Kunigami gave a slight nod in response, taking a seat in one of the chairs in their miraculously clean dining table. "Bachira and Madman said they want omelettes, but we're out of eggs. I'm gonna go buy some."

_ We're almost out of milk, too,  _ Tyrant piped up, remembering the nearly empty milk carton in the fridge as he materialized from beneath Isagi's skin, slithering upwards like a snake made of black mist.

"We are?" Kunigami frowned, already reaching for a piece of paper and a pen. He might as well get everything they need in one go if that was the case.

Isagi couldn't help but groan, guilt eating up his insides like a parasite. He knew it was his fault that Kunigami had to get up and go grocery shopping even though he so obviously wanted to sleep in.

All because Isagi decided to try his hand on making pancakes. 

Well, technically, it was Tyrant's idea. His monster wouldn't shut up about pancakes until Isagi gave in to his whims.

_ Don't blame me,  _ Tyrant growled, not liking the fact that he was getting blamed when Isagi had as much of a hand as him in the mess they made in the kitchen.

"Don't argue." Kunigami stepped in before things got out of hand. Not that they would. Isagi and Tyrant might both be so prideful that they were clashing most times, but they would never go beyond that. Still, it always bothered Kunigami when Isagi and Tyrant would go at each other's throats despite basically sharing the same body. He didn't like seeing them getting into an argument, no matter how small or petty their argument may be. It just didn't sit well with him.

_ Apologies _ , Tyrant mumbled right away. Kunigami probably wasn't aware of it, but he was the only one that could get him to apologize. Not even Isagi who he was sharing bodies with could make him say sorry in a heartbeat.

"It's fine. Anyway, can you ask Bachira and Madman if they want me to get something for them?"

_ Someone called? _

Madman, whose sharp hearing allowed him to hear everything going on, chimed from the kitchen doorway.

"Oh good. You're both here." Kunigami smiled a bit upon seeing Bachira with glowing eyes, a clear indication that he was talking to both souls, "Want me to buy something for you?"

Bachira raised his hand, already knowing what he wanted. "Apples!"

_ Cereal _ , Madman said, not missing the way Kunigami's face scrunched up in mild disgust. Kunigami's dislike for cereals was rather comical.

_ Potato chips,  _ Tyrant added,  _ the extra spicy one. _

"What else?"

Isagi thought long and hard, trying to recall the contents of their fridge and cupboard, "I think we're out of bread, too."

Kunigami nodded, jotting everything down on his list, making sure to add whatever stuff he thought they were going to need. When he was done, he had a rather long list of grocery items in his hands.

"That's a lot of stuff," Bachira commented, frowning at the long list. It was rare for any of them to have that long of a shopping list. "Can you carry them all?"

_ Let me take over. _ Tyrant suddenly told Isagi. He just had a brilliant idea and was very eager to try it out.

Isagi blinked, confused. "Huh? Why?"

_ I want to go.  _ Tyrant said matter of factly. It had been a while since he was able to go outside — Isagi was still reluctant in letting him take over his body and consciousness — and this was his chance. He was sure Isagi would let him since he was going to be with Kunigami anyway.

_ If he's going, I am, too.  _ Madman declared, materializing above Bachira as well. He liked Tyrant, but he didn't want Tyrant to have all the fun. Besides, he wanted to go shopping with Kunigami, too. Maybe Bachira would even let him take over completely.

"Eh? You wanna borrow my body?" Bachira asked his monster, somewhat surprised at his thought process. Madman never asked him if he could take over outside of football.

_ Yes. _

Bachira shrugged, "Okay."

"If Bachira agrees with it…" Isagi mumbled, already giving in. He didn't see anything wrong with letting Tyrant take over for a while. His monster could help Kunigami carry groceries, too. "Just don't cause any trouble for Kunigami."

_ Who do you think you're talking to? It's like you don't know me at all. _

Of course, Tyrant would never cause trouble for Kunigami. He liked Kunigami too much for that. Kunigami was his most favorite person. It was basically taboo to do anything that would cause Kunigami harm, be it directly or indirectly.

Other people on the other hand, well, Tyrant wasn't making any promises.

"Swear on it." Isagi knew Tyrant was telling the truth, but he still wanted to make sure.

_ I promise,  _ Tyrant rolled his eyes. Isagi was such a worrywart. He was even worse than Raichi and Chigiri combined,  _ just hurry up and lend me your body already. _

"Jeez, you're so pushy. I don't hear Madman rushing Bachira."

_ That's because Bachira isn't a slowpoke. _

Kunigami, who was watching everyone from where he sat, couldn't help but laugh at how childish Isagi and Tyrant were being. It was hard to imagine Tyrant as the powerful and ancient demon he really was with how he was acting at the moment.

"Alright, alright. That's enough," Kunigami said in between soft laughter, "We should go, so we can get back soon. I bet you're all hungry."

As always, the thought of food was enough to get everyone to behave.

What happened next was nothing short of unexplainable.

Both Isagi and Bachira's consciousness began to fade like the tinkling sound of windchimes turning into background noises until Kunigami could barely feel them, both overtaken by two much stronger presence, darker and far older than time itself.

One moment they were Isagi and Bachira, and the next, they were Tyrant and Madman.

After living with them for a while now, Tyrant and Madman completely taking over Isagi's and Bachira's consciousness wasn't a foreign concept to Kunigami; however, it was still a bit strange to see them wearing Isagi's and Bachira's faces without the extra features. Admittedly, Kunigami kind of missed Tyrant's infinite eyes and Madman's many legs amongst other things.

_ Feels nice to be in control,  _ Tyrant said in Isagi's voice, rolling his shoulders and stretching before turning towards his favorite human.  _ Shall we go? _

Kunigami nodded, "Yeah. Let's go."

* * *

* * *

Once outside of their shared apartment, Madman and Tyrant immediately took their place next to Kunigami, flocking on either side of him and observing everything they pass by, keeping an eye on anything that could potentially be dangerous.

Like the damn pigeon they passed by.

Madman really hated that bird.

"What's wrong?" Kunigami inquired when he noticed Madman stopped walking.

_ That bird was staring at us. Rude.  _ Madman explained, not breaking his eye contact with the bird. If the feathered bastard wanted a staring contest, then a staring contest is what it was going to get.

"It's just a pigeon. Let it do, I don't know, pigeon things?"

_ Pigeons are never just pigeons. _ Tyrant stated matter-of-factly. He had a lot of encounters with the damn things in the past, and none of there were pleasant. Kunigami was human, so maybe he didn't fully understand how evil these birds were.

Madman nodded in agreement,  _ They're demons in disguise. Maybe I should eat it. _

"If you eat now, you wouldn't be able to eat later. I'm making omelettes, remember?" Kunigami said, not missing the way Madman's eyes glinted, Bachira's monster basically salivating at the thought of eating a pigeon. He shook his head in an attempt to further convey how bad of an idea that was. He even grabbed Madman by the arm and gently pulled him away from the poor bird. 

_ You live for another day, bird. _ Madman huffed as he let himself be pulled away. The little bastard should be thankful that Kunigami makes the meanest omelettes, or the bird would have been made into a meal by now. Still, he was going to come back for that bird. That was a promise.

Thankfully for them — mostly for Kunigami, really — they didn't encounter any more of the evil bird, and they managed to get to the supermarket without another hiccup. Well except for that time Tyrant intentionally scared off a bunch of loud teenagers with one of his scariest glares. Kunigami didn't notice that he did that though, and if Tyrant was going to consider the rules he made himself, then, he could proudly say that nothing really happened.

After all, it didn't happen if Kunigami didn't know.

* * *

* * *

Things got even more fun when they entered the supermarket.

They were just grabbing things and putting them in their cart, but Tyrant and Madman both found themselves having so much fun. It was nice being able to help Kunigami even if it was just aiding him in choosing which type of egg was better.

But the most enjoyable thing happened when they went to the snack aisle.

When they got to the snack aisle, Kunigami immediately went for the energy bars, "Just grab anything you want and put it in the cart. Just three snacks for each of you, though."

_ We got it, _ Tyrant said as he watched Kunigami walk a little further away. Tyrant liked that Kunigami was letting him choose what they want. It had been a while since someone let him do that.

_ What are you getting? _ Madman asked, arms already full of chips and a pack of chewy candy.

_ Probably something spicy,  _ Tyrant said, thinking deeply of what to get.

Tyrant was in the middle of deciding whether to get spicy lobster flavored chips or spicy barbecue flavored ones when he felt someone tug at his pants. When he looked down, he saw a tiny human.

"Hey, mister! Get that for me!" The kid demanded, and Tyrant raised a brow.

The nerve of this kid to order him around. There was only one person who was allowed to do that, and that person was most definitely not this annoying goblin.

_ Why don't you get it yourself, you nugget? _

"But you're taller, so get it for me. Hurry up!"

What a brat. This is why Tyrant hated kids, and he got annoyed even more when he realized that the kid's mother was right there.

"Hey, mister! Are you dumb or something? I said get that for me!" The nasty brat tugged at his pants again before pointing at the pack of chips with his equally nasty finger.

What a surprise. It was the one Tyrant was just planning to get. No way he's getting it for this annoying bag of flesh. Nope. Never.

_ Didn't you hear me when I told you to get it yourself? Maybe you're the dumb one.  _ Tyrant said, and before the kid could even say another word, he smiled at the little brat, making sure that the stupid gremlin would see all his blade-like teeth, even going as far as to open and close his mouth with a snapping sound. He watched in satisfaction as the kid's eyes began to water, taking a sick and twisted sort of glee when the tiny thing began to wail in fear. Isagi would be so mad at him later for doing this, but it would be so worth it.

Madman heard and saw what Tyrant was doing, and he felt like getting in on the fun. Kunigami didn't seem to hear them, so it should be fine. Besides, the kid's mother finally noticed what was happening, and Madman was sure that she was going to go ham on them for making her child cry. He was proven right when the lady stomped towards them, eyes hard and lips pressed in a thin line.

If it was someone else, they would have found her terrifying. There's nothing far scarier than a mother's anger, after all. Unless you're a demon, which would make you a thousand times scarier by default.

Unfortunately for her, Madman was indeed a demon, and so when she was about to scold them, Madman simply gave her his most psychotic smile to date, making sure to crinkle his eyes for an extra dramatic effect. 

That gave the woman a sudden pause, opening and closing her mouth like a fish out of water. She looked mighty troubled, but she kept her glare. Madman found it funny, so he stuck his tongue out at her, even going as far as to make it extra long until her glare turned into a wide-eyed look of utter horror.

It was rather satisfying to watch as she grabbed her child and whisked both of them away in a flurry of high heels and a wailing kid. She left so fast that Madman was surprised Kunigami hadn't noticed what happened yet.

Speaking of Kunigami, Madman noticed him walking towards them, and he nudged Tyrant as a warning.

"What are you doing?" Kunigami tilted his head curiously at both Tyrant and Madman. The two were nudging each other, which was rather strange.

_ Nothing. _ Tyrant and Madman said in unison, turning around to face Kunigami and giving him innocent smiles.

Kunigami stared at them for a while, shrugging when their smiles didn't change, "If you say so."

_ Need something? _ Tyrant asked, forcing his voice to stay even. He was still amused by what happened, but he knew that any change in his tone would alert Kunigami of what they were doing just now.

In response, Kunigami raised two items, "Garlic bread or cheese crackers?"

Tyrant's response was immediate.  _ Death _ .

_ Destruction _ . Madman's response was just as quick.

Kunigami nodded, unfazed. "Both. Got it."

_ Is that all? _ Madman questioned, peering at everything in the cart.

"Yeah." Kunigami nodded as he double checked their shopping list. Once he was able to confirm that he got everything, he turned to his companions, smiling slightly. "Anything else you want in particular?"

_The blood of my enemies_ , Madman said, grinning maniacally.

_ Decapitated heads on a silver platter _ , Tyrant seconded with a hiss, eyes glowing like hellfire.

Kunigami hummed, "That's cool, but I was talking about snacks."

Tyrant and Madman paused.

_ Oh. Popcorn _ .

Sure enough, they got some popcorn and even a few chocolate bars.

Madman and Tyrant even got to grin like The Joker at the random bystander in the cashier line who quickly excused himself, saying that he forgot to grab something and they could go ahead of him. Kunigami said he could hold the line for him, but of course, Tyrant and Madman never dropped their grin, and the man insisted that they should go ahead because he might take too long.

Honestly, the monsters thought that was really generous of him.

And with all those exciting events, their supermarket trip ended.

"Did you have fun?" Kunigami asked Isagi's and Bachira's monsters on their way home, all of them carrying heavy bags of food. Kunigami was really hoping they would last a little longer this time.

_ Yes.  _ Tyrant and Madman chorused. Going to the supermarket was really fun. They managed to scare people and get food while doing so. They wanted to do it again.

"Good," a pause, "but next time, try not to traumatize people this early in the morning."

Tyrant and Madman just looked at each other sheepishly.

And the other monsters still wonder why they like Kunigami so much.

• ────── ✾ ────── •

**Author's Note:**

> -Of course, Kunigami knew what the monsters are up. He's the mom friend after all.  
> -No pigeon was harmed in the making of this fic.  
> -lol


End file.
